Maybe it's "Subconscious"

"However, some scientists argue that there is little evidence that most people have a specific drive toward self-destruction. According to them, the behaviors Freud studied can be explained by simpler, known processes, such as salience biases (e.g., a person abuses drugs because the promise of immediate pleasure is more compelling than the intellectual knowledge of harm sometime in the future) and risk calculations (e.g., a person drives recklessly or plays dangerous sports because the increases in status and reproductive success outweigh the risk of injury or death)". (wikipedia - web whore) We may not always realize we have a death wish, but our actions will almost certainly give others a snapshot of what lies beneath our own jovial smiles and acceptable etiquette. But wait, this is counter-productive and deceptive, right? However, rationalizing what we do and why we do it is our own best defense and we are our own worse enemy. If we were to observe the characteristics we possess in others we would probably call it crazy or just plain ignorant, but the problem is we cannot percieve ourselves as other people do. Oh, how little we know about ourselves other than what we like and don't. Is it a selfish desire to do what we do? Can we really see beyond our own egos or pride? I find it very difficult. I find that if I rely on my own understanding, events do not always play out as I plan. But, If I choose a role model and make decisions based on documented evidence of this person or being's actions, I can almost always be certain that I am not acting alone. I, in essence, have a mentor who "guides" me through the rough times and maybe even to show me that my actions are self-destructive. In my mind, Freud has been superceded by Maslow and Erikson who look at human needs and developmental stages throughout the life span. Maslow contends that certain human needs must be met before moving on to the next and Erikson believes that if a developmental stage is not met at a certain time, that an individual will linger in this stage until it is. But, I cannot help but correlate the stages of "delayed gratification" from Freud to those of substance abuse or addiction. It would seem that those of us who have addictive personalities get stuck in this stage and cannot "defer" our gratification until later. It is quite a conundrum... Join me on this journey through addiction at My Addicted Mind.Com